How can I find God or understand him better?

I am afraid of dying, I am afraid of ruining my life & I am afraid that the Lord will look at me as a bad person. I use to go to church a few years ago but life got so crazy that I stopped. Im not depressed and I have lovely friends/family; but I often find myself feeling alone and scared. I am a Lutheran and would love any advice from people who dealt with something like this and found God again.